There... is some kind of custom in my country that whenever you're going to a wedding, or meeting a newlywed, usually people will said, "Congratulation on having a whole new life," instead of the simple "Congratulation of getting married," And in a way, I feel that kind of thing for the second time in a year. No, not that I'm currently married to someone but... let's call that as the similar situation. The 'whole new life' thing. I'm honestly confused whether I should put this on my personal journal or the art journal, since this entry has both of its elements on it, but after throughout consideration heh I think it would be better if I write it here. Drawing is something that I really like. Something that I really love. I do like the passion I have for it. I even want it to always be part of me. Since when I was broken down and saved by drawing, thoughts of possibility for my drawing to satisfy me in my real life have been crossing time to time. Yet, as much as idealist I'd like myself to be, I can't close my eyes upon the fact that I have real life that should be fulfilled. And, after a whole year denying, I think, drawing is not the way that seem to satisfy it. At least for me. Long story short, I got a job. It's good, it's stable, it's fun, it's something I like and something related to what I learned in university—thankfully. It answers much of my questions and most importantly, fulfilling myself. But then, when you gain something, you also lose something in return. It's something inevitable. The higher the chance, the higher the price. And for me, my time for drawing, that's what I think have been taken from me as the price I have to pay. Truth to be told, the reason of why I don't really put my mind in drawing from July, it was because I wasn't in a stable condition to keep drawing, and that's because of the process of the job I'm currently doing. Now that I officially have a new life, I know that finally my time has been taken of. I remembered so well that one time, I nonchalantly gave some kind of opinion to a friend that you can keep drawing everyday if you put your mind on it. Now that somehow I'm in the similar shoes, I realized myself that I even can't do that myself. That I was so foolish for speaking as if I were in said position though I actually know nothing. As much as I'd like to keep drawing, as much as I'd like to put my mind on it, still, there is limitation. Job is fun, but it's tiring. I don't want doing nothing but take a bath, eat dinner, chat and sleep. I just want to take a rest and charge myself whenever I return home. And I can't force myself to do drawing if my body don't let me so. Even in weekend where I finally be able to sleep and wake up late, I just want to relax, enjoying the small time left before back to the routine. That being said, however, it's not like I want to ditch drawing entirely. I still love it. I still love my kids too. I'd like to do more about them. I'd like drawing them more and give my love more and more through my drawing. Heck, I don't want to lose this side of mine that full of delusions and stupid headcanons can only be fulfilled by drawing. Otherwise, I might evolve into gloomy shakaijin with no hobby as stress reliever and end up being a corporate slave. I still want the freedom, too, though it might be limited now. It seems that I just need to adjust myself, and finding right pace to keep both things going in favorable way. I'll keep drawing, though! Of course I'll do that! Though maybe not as frequent as I was. With that being said, Until next time. Tl;dr: I got a job and I can't draw as much as I'd like to be. I'll keep updating tho., I try
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March 2022
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